Job hunting; please send wine

Because I’m now getting to the stage in joblessness when no jobs are forthcoming and I have plenty of time and DESPAIR on my hands, I’ve decided to pour at least 34% of my free time into something special.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…

The Job Hunting Drinking Game

Level One: The Hunt

Drink when you see the following in job ads:

1. experienced

2. team player

3. self-starter

4. motivated

5. ambitious

6. analyst

 

Two fingers for:

1. immediate start

2. attractive extras

3. unpaid intern

4. social media

5. sales & marketing

 

**BONUS!** A finger per year of experience required

**BONUS!** A finger per specific Microsoft Office program mentioned

 

Optional Level:

If you’re insane enough to drink during an interview, take a drink for:

1. when you’re asked to describe yourself

2. if you’re asked to clarify what your degree actually was

3. when you’re asked if you have any questions

3b. if you don’t have any questions ready to ask

3c. if you blag a question that is clearly bullshit

3d. if you blag a question that comes out surprisingly confident

 

Two fingers for: “Describe a time that you faced a challenge and explain how you overcame it.”

Down your drink for: Any reference to talking about your weakness and how you’ll improve it.

Buy yourself another drink as a reward if you’ve got the balls to say “I have no weaknesses.”

 

Level Two: The Rejection

Down your drink for:

No response at all after you’ve been promised an email letting you know either way

A response telling you you’ve been rejected

Anything referencing other candidates having better skills than you

Anything referencing other candidates having more experience than you

“I wish you the best of luck in your future career.”

Anything said at all in any rejection email whatsoever – you’re the one whose still jobless, you deserve to get trollied.

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About fictavia

Fictavia (noun): writer, critiquer of the publishing world and witty reviewer.

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